The other morning, after taking my kids to school, I decided to go for a drive and take pictures. It was an absolutely gorgeous, sunny day and I had no other obligations other than retrieving my children after school.
I haven’t been working at my former place of employment for a little over a month now and I have already developed new habits that make my full-time employment seem as if it were in a different lifetime. I left my son’s school and took the route I would normally take to work. I wanted to be present in my situation and circumstances. I took notice of the fact that I wasn’t rushing anywhere to make sure I didn’t use up too much time; I didn’t have to call anyone to let them know where I was or when I could be expected; I wasn’t running through all the possible scenarios of dealing with customers or coworkers in my head. Dropping the children off had been stress free and painless and I was able to say, “I’ll see you after school!”
The path I was driving could have taken me to work, however, at the last moment, the last stop light, I took a left instead of going straight. I turned left into the open expanse of sunshine and mountains, music and exploration. I went down roads I hadn’t discovered before, I stopped and took pictures of mountains, water, barns, and lamp posts. When I decided I was done, I meandered home, my own way, in my own time.
Please, if you are reading this, do not think I have taken for granted the fact that I was able to enjoy such a morning. Leaving my job was not a choice I wanted to make. I struggled with the aftermath of my decision and struggled with the thought that my occupation was my identity. I didn’t think I could do anything else; customer service was my life.
I see now, as I head down the unknown paths to the future, it was my time to go. Apparently, there are moments when I allow myself to stop growing because I don’t want to experience pain. I was comfortable in what I was doing and the thought of having to begin a new venture was absolutely terrifying. However, I am not only trained as a Deputy Clerk of District Court; I am also trained in exercising the knowledge that as long as I pray and take action, things will be alright (even if they’re not alright).
What a blessing to be able to spend more time with my children and to be able to be involved in how they spend their day. What a blessing to be relieved of the heavy eyelids that couldn’t seem to open on time to make lunches, take a shower, get dressed, feed breakfast, drive to work and get there by 8:00 a.m. What a blessing to be able to get my children after school and not feel pressured to do something extra spectacular because this is a special occasion that we need to make the best of, while I am secretly counting my hours of vacation or sick leave to make sure I will have enough. What a blessing for my children to know they can call me any time and I will answer their call.
I used to think I was destined to be a career woman and honestly, I doubted I would ever enjoy anything else.
Today, I see the beauty, peace and serenity that can be gained in taking a left turn.